Have you ever been in a moment where it seems like that is the last place God would met you there?
Like one of those moments where you would least expect to be able to connect with someone who you just met, in a place you have never been to, in a chair you have never sat in, but having a conversation that you have had many times thanks to vulnerability.
Well that happened the other day and it has been quite some time since I have experienced God’s presence in this way.
I finally scheduled a doctors appointment, the first one I have had in about a year and a half. In know, I’m a bad girl. But it was a strange transition time with recovery and moving from a pediatrician since I am now a trusty adult (cue nervous laughter). So that left me doctor-less for a little while. So I researched some doctors and finally chose one that I felt comfortable about with the information I had gathered. She has her own family practice which really caught my attention. And better yet, I found out she knows of my dietitian so that’s pretty cool. Small world, huh?
Going into the appointment I was sorta nervous just because I knew I would have to delve into my medical history, describing my past with anorexia and my weight throughout the past few years. I have talked about it numerous times before with therapy, sharing my story, and other avenues when necessary but I still don’t think it will ever be something I am fully comfortable going into detail about.
Thankfully the staff there is the most friendly doctoral staff I have ever encountered. That aspect of things helped to calm my nerves and it put me at ease a little more. When I was called in I asked to do a blind weigh in because although I have seen my weight once when I weighed in for donating blood, I still am not fully comfortable with seeing a normal fluctuating number, especially since my body image has been pretty sucky that past couple weeks. Wooh. No.
To recap the whole appointment: the doctor was great. She was very nice, and she genuinely cared and understood my medical history. She was very pleased to see that I was doing well and that I was healthy and pursuing recovery. We discussed my eating disorder and mental health throughout the past few years, my history with exercise, and other medical topics. She did the whole physical check up, you know, all that good stuff. She told me that I needed to get labs done based on some of the things I told her, and just because I have never had labs done before, and also due to my anorexia. In fact, I am going to do that tomorrow which is a good thing I just remembered because I need to remember to go. Ha.
But that’s the boring part, the best part happened after. On the patient paperwork that I filled out before the appointment, one of the question was regarding religion. It asked about any dietary restriction regarding religion and what the religion was. I wrote that I was a Christian, and although I was wondering why that question was on my doctor papers, (unless that is normal, I don’t know. Again, welcomes to adulthood), I didn’t really put much thought into it. I was just like, “oh, that’s cool, a question I know for sure”, and then I continued to fill out the other thirteen pages in front of me.
Towards the end of my appointment, my new doctor mentioned that I put I was a Christian on the paperwork and asked me what Church I went to. I told her, and in return she shared where she attended. Hint: we are getting to the best part. 😉 We talked about Church for a while and then she asked if she could pray for me. Of course I let her because why wouldn’t I, and how often do you get to be prayed for by a doctor in person, in a tiny room, on one of those super cool (cue sarcasm) paper covered beds that make terrible sounds when you attempt to quietly get on and off of them. Okay, so other than that it was an amazing moment. So right then and there in the doctors office she laid her hand on my back and she prayed for me out loud.
It’s hard for me to describe exactly what I was feeling. I think=k at first I was a little in shock because I was not really expecting anything like that to happen. It was so pure, so raw, and somewhat unexpected that I jus sat there like, “man, God sure is watching out for me”.
It was the most amazing feeling though. Right before she prayed for me, she told me a few things regarding my anorexia and just life in general. I am not going to go into it because it is something that i want to have just for me, but it struck a cord with me in a good way because it had to do with something that I have been dealing with recently. It was such a God thing. That was the most amazing thing about it. I knew God was present. He was there with me.
As she prayed, I was tense at first. I honestly was not sure how to feel because it had been a while since someone prayed for me in this way. Probably over a year since it was sometime during my High School years. I found myself having trouble connecting and letting go of my nerves throughout the appointment so I figured this would be a good time to, so I spoke a quick silent prayer in my head to God to help me connect and feel Him.
The prayer was moving, no, God was moving. As sh prayed i was able to relax, my heart rate slowed, and I began to think more clearly. I was able to really focus on her words.
I will never forget that moment, not just because it was moving or because she seems to see right through me in a time when I can’t even see through myself, but because I know God was speaking through her to me. I know He was in the room, and that experience of knowing instead of questioning is something that is so powerful.
I find myself continually grateful of the circumstances God has allowed me to go through. He has never failed to look out for me and provide me with people and the support I need to recover. God sometimes uses the most unexpected moments and turns them into examples, learning curves, and blessings.