What are my priorities?
In the midst of an eating disorder, it is hard to deny the fact that the eating disorder becomes one of the main priorities in our daily lives. In fact, whether we want it to or not, it controls our thoughts and actions.
The constant thoughts that accompany an eating disorder scream for attention. And when you ignore them, or try, they only get louder. The eating disorder wants to be the number one priority in your life and sadly, it does a pretty good job at making sure that happens.
When dealing with an eating disorder the voices are loud, and let’s not forget CONSTANT. It causes you to wonder and question. When will my next meal be? What am I going to eat? What is my family making for dinner?
However, when it comes to recovery, one of my goals is to change my priorities.
The past couple of weeks my therapist gave me a homework assignment to make a pie chart of the priorities in my life adding up to one hundred percent. Actually, she assigned me to make two charts. One that shows the priorities in my life now, and the second showing how I would like them to be.
VS. Chart two: Priorities I wish to attain.
Clearly, the chart I have as my priorities now is very disordered. Body image does not define who I am as a person. And I know for a fact that God did not create me in his image to criticize his creation. I know this because God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Now, relating to the runningworkout priority. This one is tricky because I highly prioritize working out and being active. Like, A LOT. But due to my eating disorder I am not allowed to workout as much as I would like. But, although I really struggle with not being able to run or workout as much as I would like, I know that as I continue in my recovery, the day will come when I can have my workout freedom back. Boy, that will be a day to blog about for sure! But, in the meantime, the percentage of time that takes up in my life is small.
I am a bit anxious about sharing these charts with my therapist today. It is vulnerable, but it is definitely a step in the right direction.
One of my goals in recovery is to change my priorities. There are more important things in my life than body image or my eating disorder. And trust me, you are worth so much more that what your eating disorder tells you.
Psalm 139:14— I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.